“I was ripped apart stem to stern, shedded to pulp.  Like hamburger.  I can’t talk too long about the surgery for that without crying.  So humiliating.  When I went for the 6 week postpartum check up I wasn’t healed.  “Oh, no, most women aren’t healed in 6 weeks. That is normal.”  Normal.  How is that normal?  He wouldn’t recommend doing anything to correct the maiming for six months.  “That is the time it takes to really finish the healing process from a vaginal birth”, he says.  “Why wasn’t I told that before you scarred me for life?” “Oh”, he says, then women wouldn’t get pregnant, would they, if they knew?” 

 

Excerpt from my dialogue with the nurse/midwife:

Me:  I am very scared about my vagina and genitals being torn apart.

Her:  I will keep my hands very busy down there.

Me:  Huh?  What does that mean?

Her:  I will be massaging you.

Me:  Rubbing me?  Like masturbating me?

Her:  Massaging isn’t the right word.

Me:  What is the right word?

Her:  It is stretching and pulling with the hands to soften the vagina and surrounding parts before the baby comes out.

Me:  (rooted to my chair and paralyzed by fear? disbelief?) You think that your damage to my nether regions before the baby damages them is going to help?

Her:  (with a big, demented grin) Oh dear, you worry too much.  I’ve done this to hundreds of women.  It will be joyful!!

Me:  (to myself in a moment of clarity) This woman is insane.  They let insane people practice medicine. Where is the door?

 

“Performing gynaecological surgeries on women who have had vaginal deliveries is a huge revenue stream for the hospital I work at.  Are women told this?  No. What’s more, only a small percentage of these damaged women opt for these surgeries.  Many suffer and never visit a doctor.”

 

“Thank you for forcing the conversation about how vag births destroy women.  I have always been too ashamed to talk about what happened to me – I still am and would die if anyone but you knew – so thank you for letting me tell you how vag birth destroyed me and also my marriage without telling you who I am.”

“I am tired of being heroic and having a ‘positive’ outlook.  That is deception and crap and I just won't do it anymore.   Teenagers make you understand that motherhood wasn’t ‘worth it’.”