BTCanada

“I was ripped apart stem to stern, shedded to pulp.  Like hamburger.  I can’t talk too long about the surgery for that without crying.  So humiliating.  When I went for the 6 week postpartum check up I wasn’t healed.  “Oh, no, most women aren’t healed in 6 weeks. That is normal.”  Normal.  How is that normal?  He wouldn’t recommend doing anything to correct the maiming for six months.  “That is the time it takes to really finish the healing process from a vaginal birth”, he says.  “Why wasn’t I told that before you scarred me for life?” “Oh”, he says, then women wouldn’t get pregnant, would they, if they knew?” 

 

Excerpt from my dialogue with the nurse/midwife:

Me:  I am very scared about my vagina and genitals being torn apart.

Her:  I will keep my hands very busy down there.

Me:  Huh?  What does that mean?

Her:  I will be massaging you.

Me:  Rubbing me?  Like masturbating me?

Her:  Massaging isn’t the right word.

Me:  What is the right word?

Her:  It is stretching and pulling with the hands to soften the vagina and surrounding parts before the baby comes out.

Me:  (rooted to my chair and paralyzed by fear? disbelief?) You think that your damage to my nether regions before the baby damages them is going to help?

Her:  (with a big, demented grin) Oh dear, you worry too much.  I’ve done this to hundreds of women.  It will be joyful!!

Me:  (to myself in a moment of clarity) This woman is insane.  They let insane people practice medicine. Where is the door?

 

“Performing gynaecological surgeries on women who have had vaginal deliveries is a huge revenue stream for the hospital I work at.  Are women told this?  No. What’s more, only a small percentage of these damaged women opt for these surgeries.  Many suffer and never visit a doctor.”

  I had a sphincteroplasty, levatorplasty, and perinealplasty on January 18th. I was in the hospital for 6 days. I had issues with a very low blood pressure, and since my surgery was so extensive, the doctors kept me a little longer. I was on a morphine drip at the hospital for pain, and other pain meds, so it was tolerable, although it sure did hurt! I am still on a liquid diet, and had my required first bowel movement today. ( I had to take milk of mag to induce a bm today) I was terrified to say the least, but the anticipation was worse than the actual event. It did hurt, but I managed to get through it. It was very soft and my nerves are a little more settled now that it is over. I am taking benefiber 1 tsp twice daily now. My doctor doesn't want me to take stool softeners, although I am not sure I agree with him. My rear-end is nearly un-recognizable at this time. It does not even closely resemble what it did before surgery. My surgeon is very pleased with how everything went, and says I should be much better, and that I really needed the surgery. It was much more extensive than even he thought it would be. I have a ton of stitches, and am taking the sitz baths 3-4 times a day to keep clean. If anyone has any suggestions about the stool softeners and anything else during this tough recovery period -I would love to hear from you. I am pretty much still on restricted bed rest (no stairs, no lifting, small walks, no sitting and lots of rest) I am trying to stay down as much as possible because I do not want any complications. Thank you for all your help in advance

 


My name is *****. I am 27 and have a 15 month old son. When I gave birth to my son I had 4th degree tearing because my son's head came out but he got stuck and the doctor just went up and grabbed him out. I first found out I had a problem when I couldn't control my first BM after childbirth. I had a scheduled visit with the OB a week later and when I told him he acted as if this was unheard of. Having never been told the severity of my tearing I had to do much research online to confirm this was not normal. Things have gotten a lot better since childbirth and I only have leakage now after BM. I have been a single mother since my son was born so this has been extremely hard for me to deal with both emotionally and physically.
I have seen a colorectal surgeon and had many tests done. I was told I need sphincteroplasty.
I have a defect anteriorly. My external anal squeeze pressure is extremely abnormal. I have a 24mm in diameter defect in the internal sphincter with a larger defect with the external sphincter. My rectal wall only measures 6mm thick.
Due to insurance reasons I am scheduled for a consultation with another surgeon on January 10 and plan to schedule my surgery for March.

I have read a few posts about bonding issues with one's child. I honestly thought I was alone with feeling like this. I too have at times had a hard time bonding with my son at the beginning. I had alot of guilt about it because I was the only parent there for him yet I was so devastated and almost regretted giving birth. I wasn't able to hold him for a couple months because I couldn't sit (I also broke my tailbone during labor). This has been an emotional roller coaster ride and I just pray that things will get better after I have surgery. The first surgeon I went to told me that if I get the surgery I would not be able to give birth vaginally ever again because the same thing would happen. I have come to terms with this and am definitely taking the advice.

I have been reading all the advice everyone has given and although I am scared to get the surgery I feel this board has encouraged me to make the right decision and that there is hope of feeling "normal" again.

I'm a newbie to the thread, but have been reading for a couple months now. I guess I'll start by telling how I ended up here.... In July 2008, I gave birth to a beautiful, very "healthy" boy. My son weighed in at 8lb 10oz.....with very broad shoulders. So good ol mommy here got a 4th degree extension of my episiotomy. For the first week things were ok. During week 2 post partum, I developed a bad uterine infection as a result of tearing into my rectum. I got over that and was ok, or so i thought... Within the first month I started experiencing anal leakage. By three months out, I talked to my ob/gyn about it and she told me it was too early to do anything yet, to adjust my fiber in my diet and wait a little longer. At 6 months out, I had had enough. I couldn't go to the mall and walk around without having leakage, I was having accidents every other week if not more often. I saw a specialist in february (7 months out). She has recommended a sphincteroplasty but had me wait to come back to see her again after trying kegals and diet modification and fiber supplementing.....2 months later that isn't really working at all. In fact things have gotten worse. I go back to the dr april 23 to discuss where we go from here. I have a lot of questions for her naturally. I am planning on proceeding with the surgery in June (have to wait for sick pay at work). She told me i could expect 3-4 days in the hospital, 4weeks off work, and "to seriously think about my childbearing plans as the pressure from carrying another baby can cause damage to the repair even if it is a scheduled c-section". That's all she has said so far. Now mind you, I am an OB nurse, so I know I can have a c-section in the future if we decide to have another baby. So that's my story of how I ended up here.


“Thank you for forcing the conversation about how vag births destroy women.  I have always been too ashamed to talk about what happened to me – I still am and would die if anyone but you knew – so thank you for letting me tell you how vag birth destroyed me and also my marriage without telling you who I am.”

“I am tired of being heroic and having a ‘positive’ outlook.  That is deception and crap and I just won't do it anymore.   Teenagers make you understand that motherhood wasn’t ‘worth it’.”  

 I hear one more idiot tell me that it is hormones that are causing PPD I'm going to explode.

Vaginal itching

Anterior vaginal wall repair
Causes of vaginal itching
Culture - endocervix
Transvaginal ultrasound
Vaginal bleeding between periods
Vaginal bleeding during pregnancy
Vaginal bleeding in pregnancy
Vaginal cysts
Vaginal dryness treatment
Vaginal ring
Vaginal tumors

Anterior vaginal wall repair
Causes of vaginal itching
Culture - endocervix
Transvaginal ultrasound
Vaginal bleeding between periods
Vaginal bleeding during pregnancy
Vaginal bleeding in pregnancy
Vaginal cysts
Vaginal dryness treatment
Vaginal ring
Vaginal tumors

Cleft lip and palate
Cleft palate - resources

Kegel exercises

Vaginal itching

"Natural childbirth" 10 months ago -- Should the appearance of my inner vulva, urethra, vaginal opening be so different compared to before the birth? The urethra is about 1/2 inch higher up. The vaginal opening, which used to be a small (0 - 1cm) opening which I could clench shut at will, now takes up the entire cleft, no matter how many Kegels I do.

Basically, it looks like what used to be my inner vulva were completely ripped away by the baby. The inside of my vagina is now the outside: bulges of flesh covered with mucus membranes. What happened to the skin that used to be there? There is a lot more mess in my panties. Water gets in when I bathe (seems unhygienic).

I have never seen this discussed in any website. Is this what is meant by the vague items like "you may lose some vaginal muscle tone"??!! More like had my privates replaced by completely different ones. I feel freaked out and alienated from my body now.

I did have what the doc described as a 2nd degree tear, which she stitched and okayed at the checkup later.

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i felt similar, its like a "road Crash" so perfect before..I know about the bath too when i stand up i "leak" where water has got in...(SORRY TMI) i think it happens to us all, even the celebs that don’t have arranged c sections ;)  Just another thing us women have to put up with

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I know mine definitely changed appearance down there as well. Once after going to the bathroom, something felt different while wiping. I used the TP to feel around. I finally got out a mirror and looked. OMG< the horror! It looks like some of my vaginal wall is falling out of the opening. It's still kind of like that. Both of my babies were big, and I tore even with the episiotomy. I think they have a surgery now called vaginal reguvination (sp?). I 1st heard about it on Dr Drew on the discovery channel. I think after all my babies, I'll be checking into that. So, you're not the only one

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hear you ladies.

I didn't think it was possible to have a sagging A cup but I have achieved it.  One of my boobs even hangs lower than the other and looks like a goat teet.  My stomach doesn't have stretchmarks, but it looks like a Sharpay (sp)when I bend over.

Let's not even talk about the private parts.  Let's just say slender tampons don't quite work any longer.  My husband doesn't seem to mind though.

I'm seriously considering a boob job.  If breast cancer didn't run in my family I'd do it in a heart beat.

Anybody else considering getting work done?

Is that really why all the stars have c-sections?  I thought it was so they could have tummy tucks at the same time.

 

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Yeah, nobody ever tells you about this stuff.  I had an episiotomy and then tore all the way through to my rectum.  Took them just about as long to sew me up as it took to push out my son.  My opening is very large too, sorry.  My Dr. will actually be repairing it after this one, hopefully, and stitching it smaller.  I almost need 2 tampons to keep them in, so not cool.  I would bring it up to your Dr. ,but some of hte changes aren't going to be fixed, that's a lot of trauma for your body to go through.  I keep reminding myself of how lucky I am to have my son and another one on the way, but it's still hard.  I won't ever wear a bikini either.  I keep telling my DH that I'm getting a tummy tuck and new boobs when we are done, I think he thinks I'm kidding...

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I know what you all mean and so do a lot of my friends. and now that I am a single mom I’m totally paranoid about people seeing it. ive looked at pics online and mine doesnt hang TOO much, not like what I’ve seen but i did notice the inner labia does hang, and even the outer a little. and i do kegals EVERYDAY and i still feel like i cant get tight and i don’t have sex a lot seeing as I’m single and not into sleeping around.

and don’t even get me started on my boobs. people always tell me they cant believe i had a kid i look so good but without cloths on...i don’t feel like i look good! i feel like I’m gonna scare guys off with my hanging labia. I think a lot of ladies feel the same way we do! there is always labiaplasty. anyone know anything about it and about how much it costs? ive seen before and after photos online, and some of the afters look like mine so i don’t feel so bad but its still something i would like to look into.

 

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wow, you guys collectively have scared me beyond anything i've feared before. I’m 19 and having my first baby- im 5 mos now and awaiting this day...i had kind of gotten over my fear of child birth, ready to face facts...until i read these comments. now, i just don't know what to do. i'll never be the same again, and my husband... Lord knows he deserves the best... my chest isn't all that perky to begin with- that's going to get worse, i've been a lil overweight before, now my stomach has no hope of regaining flatness...and the one thing i had going was my virginity before i got married...now thats not really gonna matter coz my 'intimacy' with him is gonna be effected in so many ways. do you recommend at least a labiaplasty? im just so afraid of what's to come. i've wanted a family all my life, and i know there are some women who would die to be pregnant- but at the cost of destroying anything i've ever had 'going' for me physically?
im feeling pre-partum depression if there is such a thing.

 

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ok i have to say I'm SOOO glad I'm not alone in this.  Up until I read this thread i though I was just loosing my mind.

This is a bit TMI but I'm desperately trying to find answers to this. I have the 'bulging' out of my vagina too.  It actually sticks out and somtimes rbs on my panties.  Hurts and makes the whole thing sore honestly.  I've asked my GYN about it and he just blows it off as not knowing what I'm talking about. BUT for some reason when I'm standing up, it sticks out, if I lay down it goes back in??? Anyone gone through this???? Any tips on what to tell my gyn to get him to understand? It's horrible having sex too, makes it really painful most of the time, when I told him that all he did was give me estragen cream. Sorry that doesn't help the big spot that is getting irrated. And no it's not from lack of being 'wet' either, it just seems that the actual act makes it hurt.

I have one kid who is 18 months so I know I've had plenty of time to recover from childbirth and do kegels yet it doesn't help.

 

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I had labiaplasty done when I was 19.  I am now 21 and just had my first child 2 months ago.  My labiaplasty proceedure cost $5500.  I got a medical loan for it with no interest for a year.  I went to the only female specialist there is, Dr. ****in ******.  She is really good.  However, the way it looks all depends on the way your body heals.  Healing time is 6 weeks.  It's pretty painful, but not as painful as recovering from a vaginal birth!  I had one 1st degree tear on the side wall and one 1st degree tear on my labia.  My labia looks the same, but the rest.  It seems as if my insides are turning out!  After I finish having children I will definitely be going back to my Dr. for a rejuvenation procedure if it still looks like this (or worse)!  I had a co-worker tell me that his wife looked very different down there after she had their two kids.  I didn't think it could be that bad, but now I know what he was talking about!

 

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I wish someone would have told me the hell my VAG would take, especially because you can schedule c-sections now!  I don't care how much longer it would've taken to heal, I hate feeling like a freak in my own skin, and HATE what it has done to my once fulfilling sex life!

 

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oh my god i have finally found a bunch of women describing what i thought was a freak show in my pants,i thought something was wrong with my vagina and i had asked the dr and nurse who all said it looked normal.....NO IT DOES NOT.... my vagina makes noises when i walk like a sloppy piece of wet meat(sorry this is really grose) i look at it and can not believe i can see my insides it has effected my sex life and the way i feel about myself "down there" im so glad to find out its not just in my head as my partner tells me.... thank you. and ill definitely look into surgery after number 2.  

 

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I think i am about to describe the same thing as most of you. i am currently 8 months pregnant and have a 2 year old son whom i gave birth to vaginally. I received an episiotomy and was stitched up afterwards but the stitches ripped a few weeks later and I was never resewn. I just looked down there because things are feeling pretty swollen and it looks like my vagina is inside out! I mean where the opening is there is a hole but it is surrounded by pink tissue coming out in every direction. I never noticed it to this extent before I did notice a couple little pink things hanging out but today when I looked it was as if it was turned completely around it looked so stretched and abnormal. I have never heard of anything like this before it looks to me like it was never sewn up or when the stitches ripped it left tissue from inside exposed and hanging  on the outside. Does this sound familiar to anyone please let me know!

 

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I am 26 and just had my first child 5 wks ago. I would kinda always think people were lying when they said "it goes back to normal" and now I know they were lying. My vagina doesn't look too terrible but the opening is much bigger and there is a bump of skin at the opening. I am going for my 6 wks check up next week and I'm going to enquire about the changes. As far as sex goes.......omg, I don't want to even think about it. I got a 3rd degree tear from my baby. She was only 5lbs 10oz so God only knows what would have happened if she'd been a normal size baby. I think I'm pretty much healed down there but it's still sore to touch it so I imagine sex isn't going to be pleasurable at all, for awhile anyway. When I talk to my husband about the changes he just blows me off saying its fine, blah blah blah. I bet if he had a mangled penis it wouldn't be fine :).  

I had a wonderful birthing experience, I was only in labor for 2 hours and I had an epidural so I had no pain but I actually had a c-sec planned at 39wks but my baby was born at 36wks. I always knew having a baby vaginally would mess my crotch up contrary to what people say and I was right!!!   If I could do it all over again I don't know if I would change it or not because I wouldn't want to take back that moment they laid her on my chest but if I ever have another baby I am going to ask for a c-sec because like I said, who knows what would happen if I had a normal size baby.

Hopefully things will get better with time, 5 weeks it's very long. If not, I guess there's always surgery. I hope that the insecurities go away. I know my husband loves me and can appreciate what my body has gone through but if I had to do the whole dating scene again, my gosh, I would be so embarrassed. I hope that later I can update and be able to say everything is back to normal but after reading the other posts, I doubt it.

 

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came across this having googled 'vagina after child birth'.  It has been 2 years since I gave birth for the first time, during which I had an episiotomy & about 10 stitches, and despite no one really explaining it to me, I think it was bad down there as I had a catheter in for 4 days after.  I also got shocking hemorrhoids during the birthing process.  I've been too frightened too look 'down there' for a long time, primarily since an appointment with a GP about 4 weeks after the birth, who held up a hand mirror to show me pointed out that part of my bowels are coming through my vagina!!!  She was completely unfussed and said this was completely common in women who have given birth!  
I had another look last night due to some slight pain I continue to suffer down there and was quite horrified by what I saw.  I too have the bulging out vagina and what looks like lots of excess bits and pieces, together with the remnants of the hemarroids.  I am only 30, and I was blessed in that I got my slim figure back and do not have any stretch marks - but I feel like I am secretly disfigured.  Sex does hurt when pressure is put on the area where the episiotomy was made and makes me not want it.  I havent done any pelvic exercises because the physio told me I was doing them the wrong way and would actually damage my PF muscles more!  So I am at a loss at what to do about any of this.  Its comforting to know I am not the only one feeling like a freak!

 

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Hi, I have had a section and a natural birth.  I would defo go for the section.  Put it this way when you have a section- its easier for your body to repair.  Its more straight forward than your vagina repairing.
I had *** 10 wks ago-natural birth, Im gutted.  Your never the same again.  I cant ever imagine being anyway.  I have lumps on the entrance to my vagina (looks like when your sewing and you pull the cotton too tight and the material ruffles).  It hurts to have sex has the lumps get pulled,  Im going to see a doc on Mon.  Cant imagine trying to use a tampon.  I hope the doc will be understanding and not leave me like this.
The scar from having my section is great really neat and low down- I feel normal from my section.  If you have a flat tummy now it will be fine afterwards.  If your tummy is flabby already- you may get what they call 'over hang'.
I would defo go for the section.  If I knew all about vaginal healing problems before- I would of demanded another section with my 2nd baby.

 

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My wife had my child three years ago and i have to say omg did it change . the area between her vagina opening and her anis is all messed up like it ripped and never got fixed she has alot of excess skin hanging out . When she spreads her legs its as if u can see straight down the vagina opening . it also got dark skin around it .its also looser way looser . it used to be the hottest vagina i ever saw . i loved it so much . i still love my wife more than ever but how do you tell her this is going on she is to embarrassed to talk to the gyno about it .

 

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OH MY GOD!
Heavenly Lord, if you had gone through all the comments, just like I did, you'd have thought a thousand times, "Why on earth would ALL those women do this to themselves!???"

I am a child-free woman and I am happy about it! It sure suits me! But after reading all your comments, it feels like you're gonna screw yourself one way or the other, whether you pick vaginal or c-section birth!

And about the breast description, I guess that's irrelevant to the delivery method... so, you're gonna really end up with a very unpleasant shape if you want to be a mom!
Gosh, that was terrifying...!!!!

Anyway, good luck to y'all..!

 

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Three of my male friends and I have all found this board independently looking for answers to what has happened to our wives after birth. We found out that we had all found this board after the newest of us Dads asked if sex was different after birth. So let me tell you this, because I could and never would say anything to my wife: We notice. It's different. It's not nearly as good. We know that, because of our love for you, the cost and the probability of more children, saying anything about the changes would only make you self-conscience, lead towards less sex and an unhappy wife. So don’t expect your husbands or boyfriends to tell you that things aren’t as good.

From what I’ve seen (two marriages, first children with each) and talked to male friends, it always changes. The look, feel and tightness will never be the same. And that’s not to say that sex afterwards is bad, but you should know what’s coming. From reading through the posts on here, no one ever tells women the truth and that’s not fair. There is no reason that you should have to find a board like this to get the truth from other women after the fact.

I’m sure that the next 100 or so posters will argue with me or call me names, so go ahead and do your worst. I’m willing to take whatever.

 

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So relieved to find this forum.  I have been so self conscious since having my daughter 3 years ago.  Nothing looks the same.  I can see the inside, which is pretty much outside, definitely looser, have the same problem with water getting in, and unfortunately, during sex, a lot more air than would've before her.  I had a horrible birth experience, she was stuck for 2 hours, and then this...I know it's horrible, but I honestly wish I had chosen to have a c-section. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 9 months, and just found out that he noticed a lot more than he said he did.  He told me that he had worried  that I "had something" that would cause it and that it was contagious because he didn't understand how it could look like that after. I am the first woman he's been with to have a child, so in his defense, he would have no way of knowing what to expect...but it's still heartbreaking to hear.  I wish I had known that I was be THIS different after birth, because I am almost positive that I would've chose a c-section.  I really feel like a monster sometimes.  I can't look at myself "down there" without being nauseated, and it is hard to see that while remembering how much nicer I looked before, and nicer I felt.  Sex feels different, and while still amazing, i miss that tightness.  I love my daughter dearly, and ultimately, she was worth it...but I do know that if I ever have another child, I will totally have a c-section.  

 

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In response to everyone89, unfortunately from a male point of view what he says is spot on. Not only can you visually tell a mile away that a vagina has been used to birth a child but if you ever try to have sex with it, you will be severely disappointed. Sex is no where near as good, in fact it makes watching television or sleeping look really attractive. This is a very sad but true fact. Child birth butchers vaginas, just wish more males knew this before committing to a marriage. In my case the changes were so huge I lost all interest in sex and the relationship and it ended in divorce. These days when I date a lady I chat about how much I love children and does she have any????  the answer determines if I stay or run!

 

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'm getting angry now! I am absolutely devastated this has happened to me also. I'm 21 and have a prolapse after my first baby. This has ruined my sex life and my confidence. I'm disgusted by what i see in the mirror. Why are we not warned of this??! They teach us sex education in schools and how to get pregnant, but they don’t teach us the life changing effects we have to live with years after giving birth! This thread should be shown to everyone so that they can make an informed decision about childbirth. I bet it would prevent a lot of teenage pregnancies! Can anyone tell me why nurses and friends/family with experience of childbirth are reluctant to tell us the truth? and if anybody says childbirth is not that bad i know now that they're lying. I have a very small frame and found it VERY painful. I sympathize with everyone who is going through this hell.

 

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I'm terrified now!!!! I have a 5 yr old.. I had her csection bc she was breech I didn't experience labor, contractions anything like that.. Iam pregnant with my 2nd and I have another csec scheledule for aug 30. I  was going to try natural bc I didn't experienced it before but now I think tht csec is looking better.lol.. my recovery was painful but only lasted about a week.. my stomach went back to being flat and the scar is very low and little and u can barely see it.

 

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Well it’s been 4 yrs and mine hasn’t gone away :-). I also had a 2nd degree tare after giving birth naturally (I had no pain relief due to the fact everyone told me, childbirth is "not that bad" but that’s going off the subject). When they stitched me up the midwife told me there was a bit of excess sticking out due to my tare and she wasn’t going to cut it off because she thought it would bleed too much. She did a botched job with the stitches and they hurt so bad I couldn’t walk properly, so the health visitor took them out early at my house. She told me not to worry, everything looks fine and healed nicely, but she was wrong. Ever since then I have been really sore down there, it burns during and after sex and looks very untidy with bits sticking out that definitely weren’t there before! I agree with SweetPea45, young women need to be made aware of this; it’s just too big of an issue. It comes as a massive shock to most women. I spoke to so many experienced mums when I was pregnant, not 1 of them mentioned this. Maybe the subject is taboo? I really can’t come up with an answer, but I can say one thing for sure. I will not lie when somebody asks for the truth. If this forum helps one woman to avoid it, then it’s all been worth it. Does anyone know if it’s possible to get this problem fixed on the nhs?

 

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I am 10 weeks pregnant and have been contemplating an elected C-section and this board just pretty much confirmed it with a "yes, please!". My mother and grandmother both had their vaginas FALL OUT later in life because of previous child birth!! They have BOTH had to have surgery to fix it. Not this girl!!!

Weigh all the possible things that can go wrong with a vaginal birth... there are A LOT! Like incontinence, vaginal prolapse, anal prolapse, your vagina opening becoming permanently large, vaginal tearing, urethra tearing, baby getting stuck, hours of pain, back labor, broken back, broken hip... oh, the list goes on. I asked my OB, what are the cons of a C-section... and all she could say was that it was "major surgery"...ok, fine... but what are the cons like the ones I listed for a vaginal birth... she said, it takes longer to recover. That's it?!! Really?!! I will take it!!

C-section.. Done!

 

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