#315
“There, there, that’s normal. It won’t last forever.”
I heard that a lot. But none of it was normal. I had no reference markers in my life that could have prepared me for my experience and that is something I’m grateful for. It’s not normal to have hands up your vagina. It’s not normal to suffer like that. It’s not normal to have your genitals ripped apart. It’s not normal to feel so exposed and vulnerable. It’s not normal to go so long without sleep or food or water. It’s not normal to have needles , electrodes and tubes stuck up orifices and into your veins. It’s not normal to have a bowel movement in front of people. It’s not normal to be unable to get rid of urine without a catheter because you hurt so much and the swelling is so bad. It’s not normal to see that much blood and know that it’s yours. It’s not normal for your breasts to hurt and leak and your nipples to crack and bleed. What kind of demented person would say that any of that is normal?
It’s not normal to be denied effective pain relief. It is inhumane to do this. First it was too early. Then the anesthesiologist was gone for “coffee”. Then it was too late. “Here use this” and they gave me gas and air. There is a reason it is considered a ‘mild, dissociative analgesia’. It doesn’t work and it messes with your mind. I actually believed them when they said breathing techniques would relieve pain. How stupid am I.
I had to ask and then beg for pain relief during the post partum period. “You only have first and second degree tears”, they said. “You don’t even have that many stitches.” “Other women have it much worse and they don’t complain”. The inside of my vagina was torn. So was the area around my clitoris and urethra. Sitting hurt. Walking hurt. My sutures became infected. I still have problems and it has been one year. I was given ice packs. My Mom brought me pain relievers to alternate between so I could help myself. I didn’t tell them. Thank goodness I had my cell phone to contact her.
# 315AI really related to the ‘There, There that’s normal lady.” I don’t think she went far enough. Here are some things that happened to me that I was told were normal. Women should know about this. Let them decide how normal they think this is.
• Violent, uncontrollable shaking after delivery. I was told not to call them convulsions because that was such a negative term. They gave me a blanket and acted like they were hard done by to do that.
• Fainting. I did it once on the delivery table and twice during my hospital stay.
• Hyperventilating
• Vomiting
• Being so weak you can’t walk without assistance
• Being unable to urinate or control basic functions like urination
• Having the whites of your eyes bright red for weeks because the exertion of pushing broke blood vessels
• Feeling like your body is ripping in two
• Feeling like your insides are going to fall through your vagina
• Being unable to sleep because you are so frightened someone else is going to hurt you
• Spending days in a sitz bath or shower
• Giving up and begging to die. Everybody does this I was assured.
#17
I had a 'spontaneous, uncomplicated' vaginal delivery. That is their term, not mine. I want other women to know what that means. I was in labour for 27 hours. I was fortunate enough to get an epidural promptly when I asked for it without guilt or coercion to 'go without' by medical staff. I was so exhausted I wanted to get some sleep but the pain was still too much to sleep through and people kept walking in on me. I hated the vaginal exams. Most of the staff was courteous and did their best to respect my privacy and dignity. There were some that didn't care. I spent 1 hour pushing until my baby was born. It took another half hour to deliver the placenta. The delivery room looked like a war zone. There was blood everywhere. My baby was kind of bluish and covered with my blood. After they finished with her I spent some time with her and my husband before they left and I had the damage done to my genital tract repaired. They topped up my epidural. I was in the operating room with my legs in stirrups for an hour. It was disheartening, humiliating and lonely. The other women in my prenatal class all had to be surgically repaired as well. I wanted to be with my baby so badly but only my husband had that ability. He was on the phone telling people what we had and telling everyone I was 'fine' but he was in rough shape. HaHa. What a dismissive jerk. I wasn't denied pain relief during or after surgery but the morphine they gave me did make me feel very stoned. Every time I urinated was torture. I was told to sit in a sitz bath to pee as this was supposed to help. They actually said that as if they believed it. The first few bowel movements I had were painful. On top of all that I had hemorrhoids. It took a long time for them to subside. Two days after giving birth I developed a urinary tract infection. These are very common. I hurt down there for several months. During my 6 week check up my doctor told me I was healing nicely and sex should be O.K. to try. I had some reservations but my husband was eager. Big mistake. I tore open again and ended up with a very painful infection.
I used to laugh a lot but I'm afraid to now. Every time I laugh I leak urine and pass gas. Same thing happens when I sneeze or cough or exercise. I used to run but I can only do that now if I wear absorbent pads. I just don't bother running. I'm supposed to do Kegel exercises and I try many of them every day but there isn't any improvement. The doctor told me my pelvic floor was too overstretched to go back into shape and that I suffered partial nerve damage to the pudendal nerves that control the muscles of the pelvic floor. Muscles don't work if there isn't nerves to innervate them. This is normal with a vaginal delivery and I would just have to adjust to this 'new normal'.
Women are judged on their appearance and I feel such societal pressure to be a 'yummy mummy' but I can't measure up. I can't lose my pregnancy weight, my abdomen is covered with stretch marks and the skin is flabby, and I now have varicose veins. My baby is my life and I'm so glad I have her. I love her so much but I want women to know what childbirth is really like and what can happen to you.